Start At One
by Andromaeda
Summary: AU. Post New Moon/Pre-Eclipse. Jacob swears this will be the last time he watches her walk out the door. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga and any of the related characters to the series do not belong to me, but to Stephenie Meyer.**

Back at One

He watches her walk out the door.

This time he swears it'll be the last time.

He cheers himself on with each passing day, congratulating himself that he got out of endless cycle of heartbreak that he was doomed to be in. At night he wakes up gasping for air and drenched in a cold sweat; he dreams of her smile, her laugh, the sound of her soft voice breathlessly saying his name over and over. It always ends the same – the image of her pale body resting in an open casket. He tries to burn the image of it away by pressing his palms to his closed eyelids but it lingers there, just out of his reach – the same way that she's always been.

A few more days pass and she's still not back, he starts to imagine her out of the corner of his eye – waiting with an amused smile that reaches her eyes and a 'You can't get rid of me _that_ easily Jacob Black,' on her lips. Jacob turns to face her but the image blinks out of existence and he sighs as he sticks his hands into his cut-offs pockets and walks off in an aimless direction. He realises that part of him must be going insane but he brushes it off and returns to fixing another busted engine in his garage. There's something in the methodical replacing of broken parts that causes his chest to constrict and reminds him it's because he's not fixing her.

When a week and a half goes by, Jacob retreats to First Beach and goes walking. The waves lap lazily against the shore, perfectly content in its endless pattern. In his mind he replays watching Bella fall from the cliffs into the waves below, reliving for a brief moment the horror and shock that rushed through his body. He blinks as he stops at a log of driftwood that his legs have propelled him to and sits down – bare feet sinking into the cool sand as he runs his fingers across the rough bark. He can see her sitting next to him, her eyes closed and her face upturned to the sky with a wistful smile tugging at her lips and then he reminds himself it isn't her. He angrily swipes his hand through the apparition and feels the pang of loss when his hand touches nothing but air.

Sometimes he catches his friends watching him, they know about the fact that he's been hallucinating Bella. He can see their concern and pity in their eyes and it's the one thing that Jacob can't stand. Murmured words of comfort and forced laughter in strained conversations are all he ever hears – to his face at least. When he turns around he can hear them talking about him and his change of personality. Jacob scolds himself for letting it get this far and decides that he can't keep putting his life on hold for a fantasy. Besides, he's young. He doesn't have time to mope around the house and write angst poetry about lost loves (although it could come in handy as an alternative career – if only to win over girls.)

By week three Jacob is certain that she's gone for good this time and sets himself goals. His first goal is to try and forget his feelings for Bella Swan but he knows that's not likely to happen. He snorts and ducks his head underneath the hood an old Camino; he's decided that he's going to completely remake the engine from scratch. It'll give him something to do whilst he works on not thinking about a certain brunette and concentrating on more important things like teasing Embry about the new girl in school that he can't get out of his head. The soft crooning of a country singer flitters over from the old radio that sits on one of his shelves, filling the garage. Goal two, thinks Jacob with a smirk, is to fix the damn radio.

Embry visits later that day just as Jacob decides that now would be the opportune moment to throw his spanner around in frustration. His friend watches him in that calm manner that has always managed to infuriate him whenever he's in a bad mood. Jacob forces a greeting from behind an equally forced smile and Embry tells him that the pack are worried for him and that brooding over the leech lover isn't going to bring her back. Jacob hates him for it but in the end he knows Embry's right – as always. He shrugs his shoulders and nods before he makes a quip about Embry catching him in the middle of redecorating. Embry just raises a single eyebrow and remarks that redecorating usually involves paint and not throwing tools around. Jacob rolls his eyes and mutters about semantics under his breath, leaving Embry to watch him as he searches for his spanner.

The weather forecast is for a sunny, albeit humid, day and Jacob decides that he's going to work on the Camino again. He trudges to the garage, his sneakers kicking up clouds of dust as he goes. His body comes to a sudden lurch as he sees Bella sitting in the Rabbit, door open and two cans of soda resting in her lap. She looks up at him, her eyes quickly averting downward to the ground and she nibbles on her bottom lip in a way that is so distinctly _Bella_. She looks flustered, as if she didn't expect Jacob to be there in his garage. A combination of elation and anguish writhes in his stomach and Jacob is beginning to think that maybe the loony bin is preferable to hallucinating Bella Swan for the rest of his life.

Bella mumbles something and pro-offers a can of soda, her tiny hand mostly covered by her long hoodie sleeve. Jacob stares at her hand and then hesitantly reaches for it, he's shocked to discover that it's real and the can falls from his suddenly limp hand. His breath catches in his throat and he takes a step back. She looks so pale and tiny, the elation quickly turns to a sick sense of dread and Jacob shakes his head.

"No,' He says firmly, "You can't be real."

Bella looks taken aback and she worries her lip some more, long arms wrapping around herself. She looks real though, he can even smell the strawberry scented products that Bella seems to enjoy using.

"I'm sorry,' she starts lamely before she draws in a sharp breath and starts again. "I had to go Jake, it was important."

"More important than calling your best friend and letting him know you're ok instead of going out of his mind with worry, or was it that leeches idea to keep me in the dark?"

Bella looks hurt and he can see her eyes starting to glisten with unshed tears. Part of him kicks himself for letting the words slip off his tongue but damn it, she's hurt him too. She stands up and looks him in the eye, her jaw set in determination. A brief moment of admiration flares up in him and Jacob thinks that maybe this once Bella will actually stand up for herself.

"He's gone Jacob. That's why I left; I went to tell him that I chose _you ._I just needed time."

The words barely register in his brain as he stares at her dumbly, his mind blanking as she pulls back into herself. Then a genuine smile blooms over his face and Jacob lets out an involuntary whoop of joy. He's by her side in a few short steps and he twirls her around, burying his face in her hair and savouring every moment of feeling her in his arms. He can hear her breathy laugh against his chest and shivers as her cool hands press against his back, but she's there. Really there.

"Bells-"

She presses a finger against his lips and silences him, a teasing smile on her face as she pulls away. She walks out the door and Jacob's stomach lurches horribly, waiting for her to leave again. She steps back through the doorway, her eyebrows raised at him.

"Are you coming or what?"

Its then that Jacob decides that he'll never let her go again.


End file.
